If you have been reading my blog for a while you know by now that I have no problem with spanking little butts.
I have 2 little girls that I love with all my heart. They are my raison d’etre. I love and cherish these girls more than my 2 eyes but at the same time I discipline them, if its call for I pop little hands and legs.
I came across this article on Mom Logic and the writer swears that any kind of spanking in abuse.
Spanking is a very controversial subject and I can respect other people thoughts on it. If you choose to NOT spank you kids and have some other parenting methods that works for you then GREAT!
However, don’t tell me that I’m abusing my girls just because I choose to pop their little naughty butts.
I can not emphasize enough that spanking is NOT beating, Spanking is NOT bruising, Spanking is NOT Abusing.
Child abusers SHOULD go to jail! but parents who discipline in a proper way are NOT abusers.
I know their are people out there who just shouldn’t be parent period! They use their kids as punching bag to vent frustration and anger and call it spanking, which is probably why some others just see spanking as an evil acts.
In my opinion a parent should NOT discipline a child if you are angry and frustrated better yet you shouldn’t do anything while you angry or frustrated. Its like driving under the influence.
Spanking is discipline, Some kids may not need to be spank while some others do depend on their personality.
In my opinion, I think it is more dangerous for a child to be under the watch of someone who claim that spanking is abuse, because they don’t believe in spanking so when little boogers start to throw naughty fits they don’t know how to handle it – they respond in frustration and anger and start smashing heads. All I say is poor little kid and SMH!
DO you see spanking as abuse? why? or why NOT
Feel free to disagree, I won’t spank you *wink*
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Posted in Family
| Tags: Corporal punishment, raising kids, spanking, spanking kids, spanking vs abuse
i’m having the spanking conversation with my partner now. my son understands the word no like if you say no he’ll shake his head no but won’t stop what he’s doing because he’s just too young still. i want to be ready for the day that he understands NO and knows to stop but doesn’t
see we come from two different worlds. my partner was spanked and grew up fine and i wasn’t spanked and i grew up fine. so the question to spank or not to spank is still up in the air for us.
I’m writing in response to this post and your post; How Spanking Your Kids Will Affect Them – on the study on spanking. First, I wanted to say that the study was actually not performed on 100 people as you thought, but 2500 mothers over the span of several years. I’ve been trying, just this morning, to get as much detail as I can on the study. Here is where you can get a copy of the study: http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/, search spanking Tulane). It was performed at Tulane University – you can read a bit about it here: http://tulane.edu/news/releases/pr_03122010.cfm.
So the findings I’ve found on my google search were that children spanked before the age of 3 were likely to be more agressive at age 5: “Signs of aggression included behaviors such as arguing or screaming; cruelty, bullying or meanness to others; destroys things; fighting and frequently threatening others.”
There was an additional study of 2500 mothers and children by researchers at Duke University (as well as a few other universities): http://www.news.duke.edu/2009/09/berlin.html. Here is an excerpt from the article: “has found that spanking 1-year-olds leads to more aggressive behaviors and less sophisticated cognitive development in the next two years.”
So that is the research. Now for my personal opinion. I look at it this way; I would never want “my” child (I don’t have children yet – that needs to be said) to respond to another person by hitting (popping, spanking, etc…) so I would not hit my child. I believe that actions speak louder than words and that if you spank your child, you are sending two messages – that the behavior that caused you to spank is bad and that spanking is okay.
That said, do I think that it is abusive to spank? Not necessarily. I think that it may likely be a misguided form of discipline, but when done in a controlled way, I don’t think it is abusive. Like you say, it shouldn’t be done out of anger or frustration.
@nikki cupcake Its good that you guys are talking about it before hands so when times come you know what to do. Believe me these little children are super smart and they will make you fast, and they will push your button so you gotta have a game plan and know how you gonna respond. you may or not choose to spank, but you got to have some form of reinforcement. pretty soon he’s gonna be like you said “no” so what, he has to know that when mommy say no it mean no or else!
@Lisa I’m not an expert but I can almost guarantee that the kids to become aggressive well they learn it from their parents and its not the spanking. I can’t emphasize enough that spanking is NOT aggressively pounding on your child and its NOT an everyday resource either!
My 2 year old I must have pop her leg maybe 2-3 times, I don’t spank her everyday, I say NO, make sue she understand what NO mean. at dinner she use to dump her plate on the floor whenever she don’t want to eat, I say no every night, she still do it. sometimes I say no and she stops, and sometime she wanna push it, she knows what no mean, she look dead at me make a mean face and dump her food on the floor! on this occasion I know she is testing me to see who’s boss so I show her who’s boss, I pop her little hand! get her down from her chair and tell her that she needs to listen to mommy. we kiss, hug and repeat several time: “when mommy say no what do you do?” you listen, we even sing them Kai-lan style. now I just give her the “you gonna get it look” and she know not to defy me like that. Based on the child personality you will know if they need spanking or talking or hugging or time out or what not.
I still don’t believe those studies. Aggressive kids learn from aggressive parents, and spanking is NOT aggressive!
Hey i’m not a parent, but i believe spanking is one of many forms of punishment you can use on your child, i was spanked as a child i’m not going to lie to that. Few times i was really bad, and if i got spanked i deserved it, especially from my dad, my Dad would wear me out with the belt, but hey hey taught me right from wrong, and trust me after you get a spanking, especially with the belt what ever you did….you don’t ever want to do again.
A story i have collected from a mother through twitter, i love this story, check it out. A mom tweeted me and told me how her 5th grade son was flipping classmates off in school and teachers called the mom and told her, the mom tried lecturing first telling him hey that’s wrong to be flipping classmates off in school, that didn’t work she next tried grounding, that didn’t work either so she was like ok let’s try spanking this time since the first two things failed. It worked, the Mom spanked her son’s behind with a hairbrush over his underwear…and guess what? He’s been a good little boy since!!! So congratz to the Mom & spanking!
Spanking101
oh, and if you wonder how many times the mother spanked the little boy…..only 8 times….
So guys, 8 spanks to the butt with a hairbrush is that abuse?
In my opinion no, not at all, the mother could have definately layed the law on her son and spanked him a lot more…..
Spanking101
@Roodlyne, I guess what it boils down to is what the individual feels comfortable with. I could not spank a child and feel okay with myself doing it. So spanking is not for me, even if it has good results. I’m not sold on the outcomes of the two studies (mainly because I have not read the full study reports myself, plus I think the longer-term effects would be good to know – how do the kids from the two schools of discipline turn out?), but the fact that they are large, from reputable institutions and had similar results lead me to believe that they are pointing in the right direction.
I have to say that I agree with you. There is a big difference between spanking and abuse. My husband and I grew up with spankings and we are fine. And, I believe in them in moderation and only for things that were decided beforehand. My 20-month old son understands certain commands already and does get his leg popped for not obeying certain ones. For example, the other weekend ago, my husband, son and I were at a craw-fish boil with some friends and headed towards the pot where they were boiling the craw-fish two separate times, but came back when we got onto him. But, the third time, I got up, popped his leg twice and told him that he couldn’t touch it or it would burn him (knowing that he would only understand getting popped and me telling him no).
I do not feel that spanking in itself is abusing. I DO feel that it can be taken too far and become abuse. That is the key reason that my husband and I only spank for things that are agreed on beforehand. If it’s something that we haven’t discussed or doesn’t fall into an already discussed category, we stop him from doing it and draw his attention to something else. Then, my husband and I come to a decision about it after our son goes to bed for the next time.
But, I also baby-sit in my home. And, I can tell a big difference between my child and another child that is a month younger than my own, who I do not spank. He has realized that I won’t spank him and he tries to see what he can get away with. And, I do time-outs with him, but yet there is a big difference in how he acts and obeys compared to my son, who knows that I will spank him for certain things.
I don’t think there is a fine line between spanking and abuse. I think there is spanking and there is abuse. They are NOT related…unless you are abusing your child. lol. Spanking is discipline…plain and simple. If you spank correctly, you will get the desired result and have children who thrive. Oh and my husband was spanked to the point it would be considered abuse and his IQ is VERY high. He also is a wonderful man that never mistreats his children in ANY way. Life goes on, ya know?
Oh…I just read that article…yes I responded before reading it…LOL. That woman is offensive, small minded and a plain jerk. How horrible to say that every parent who spanks should be in jail and have their kids taken away. What is wrong with people?!
@Richele I know right? I can understand someone who don’t believe in spanking and feel a certain way. I was spanked, my whole family got spanked from generation to generation. LOL and none of us turn out weird or crazy. To make a case and generalize it is just you know NOT smart!
Well, I have 4 kids. My oldest is 18 and my youngest is 6. I have spanked all 4 of my children. In fact, I actually used a “switch” because I didn’t want to use my hand. That’s my biblical reason for not having used my hand. I RARELY spanked. Not only would I spank, I would give a warning of what would happen if certain behaviors continued. Not everything was automatically a spanking. When it came time to using the “switch” I would explain to them “why” they were having a spanking and it would be controlled, 2 swats and not out of control spanking of my child(ren).
I think this debate has spiraled out of control and there are too many people in other people’s business. If someone is using their child as a punching bag, I think we are all smart enough to realize the child is not being spanked, but abused. We have to use common sense.
To end my views, my children are NOT violent towards others by any shape of the imagination. Are they perfect? Uh, no, noone is. Aside from the occasional sibling spat, my children have NEVER raised a hand to another person. It’s not the environment they are being raised in. Spanking can’t be the ONE factor to decide whether a child will be more violent. Nature and nuture are involved as well. I haven’t read the study yet, but my family is definitely an example of spanking working.
~Mimi from the Round UP
.-= Mimi´s last blog ..SodaStream Review =-.
Hello all – good discussion. I have been a teacher, nanny and am the aunt to 12 great kids. You could tell the kids who had not been disciplined. I personally believe that a spanking is brief (a pop), rarely used and depending on the kid may or may not be needed. As a nanny, I learned that if I was consistent, stuck to my guns and let the kids know I was boss I rarely had trouble. Obviously I didn’t spank them – but the kids knew from day one that if I had to I would take it to their parents. The way I learned my method was: I had a 5 year old girl who I found I was starting to yell and nag about doing what I wanted her to and then one day I was listening to Dr Dobsen and he said that we are doing our children a big disservice if we don’t discipline our children now. If we are constantly raising our voices, put kids down and destroying their spirit – kids act out more. They need to know that you are not going to raise your voice, you are only going to ask once (unless your sure they didn’t hear), and if THEY make the decision to not obey then they are going to have consequences. It only took me a couple of days to have her toe the line. To make a long story short – I set a few rules, let her know what the consequence was and then told her it was her decision whether she would do what I asked – or was SHE deciding to accept the discipline and THEN do what I asked. I had another kid who was EXTREMELY strong willed – it took 3 months of being constantly on her, stressing the rules, etc – we had a rule that she couldn’t go outside without an adult (her parents rule) and of course she disappeared while I was in the bathroom. I sent her to her room till mom got home and she got spanked for it. I followed thru & she knew we meant business. Never had trouble with her after that. She even hugged me. (Sorry about the long drawn out answer) Spanking has it’s place – it just needs to be rare and if you say something follow through the first time. Mean what you say.
I agree. I think there is a big difference between spanking your children and beating them. Its also funny how the friends and family I know who don’t spank their kids have the most misbehaved children I’ve ever seen. But then again, many things go into raising a child so punishment cannot always be the difference in behavior.